It has taken me a while to get back to blogging on here but that's only because I have been going live on the Propa City Community Outreach Facebook page every week. It has been fun and we definitely have been building community. Ironically it also inspired me to write this blog.
Recently on one of our Wednesday night lives we talked about Dating & Marriage. The conversation was so deep because it consisted of males and females having a healthy debate about what it's like to date in 2020. We came up with a flow chart for the dating process and realized that some of the titles get jumbled together. Eventually we were able to iron it out and come up with some sort of order. Check it out:
"Talking"- This is the first step to showing interest. After you meet someone you start "talking" to them. Getting to know them and seeing if you would like to attempt to date them. You can "talk" to more than one person at a time. (Some people stay in the "talking" phase for much longer than intended)
The next step is dating. Once you have decided that said person is worth your time, you will start hanging out and going on dates. This is also not an exclusive time, you can date more than one person according to our participants. It's kind of like survival of the fittest, who ever makes it to the end gets the prize. YOU of course!
So the exclusive part of all of this is a relationship. You "talked", dated and now you have decided that it's safe to drop those zeros and get with a hero. This is supposed to be the part where you are learning each other, letting down your walls, being vulnerable and trying to decide if this thing is forever.
If it is, you get engaged which we decided equates to "courting". Setting boundaries and preparing to lock it down. It is assumed that if you follow this flow chart, the courting period should not last very long because, well, then you get married. Marriage should be the end, you know... "till death do us part".
Thats how it's SUPPOSED to go, does it always? Nope!
But the question is why?
We found out that some people never want to get to the exclusive stage, they want to be able to date as many people as they can for as long as they want. Some people never let their guard down, but still go through all the stages and then it doesn't work out in the end. Some people think that marriage is overrated so they stop at the relationship, whether the other party agrees or not.
We also talked about settling and how some of us never get what we really want because we are afraid to take the big leaps so we settle with the next best thing. This was a conversation that could have gone on for hours because everyone has a different view of how this thing is supposed to go. We all have questions, but I also learned that most of us are afraid to ask the hard questions. You know that ones that give you actual clarity and understanding? We are so afraid to scare people away, so we silence ourselves when our heart is screaming "WHERE ARE WE GOING WITH THIS!"
Overall, the crowd decided that this love thing is hard, because most people have trouble showing love. Yet, deep down inside we all want it.
I ended the live discussion with a quote that i'm sure most of us have seen in meme form on our social media timelines. "Marry the one who gives you the same feeling you get when you see your food coming at a restaurant." It's a funny quote but it's also so real. Think about the feeling you get when you see the waiter from across the room coming with the meal you picked out specifically for this moment. You are expecting nothing but the best. Why? Because you took your time, read the menu over and over, eliminated the ones that didn't fit the criteria of your expectations and chose THIS one.
Most people don't go to a restaurant and pick the first food they see or see one that looks really good but then decide to settle for the mediocre one because they're afraid. So why don't we do that with our mates? Why don't we take this kind of care when we pick the person that will feed our hearts? Some may say it's not the same, but I say it's a thought worth considering. I'd love to know what YOU think.
I'll be taking our Wednesday lives and bringing them here to our blog page for further discussion. I hope you decide to join us and feel free to throw a topic our way for the next discussion.
Talk to you next time!